I am sorry Dad

I am sorry, dad.
I am sorry, dad, for not being the girl you wanted.
I'm sorry for not being an athletic, fun-loving boy you flaunted.
I'm sorry for being overly emotional, always filled with tears.
I'm sorry for hoping you'd still love me, even after all of these years.
I'm sorry for bringing up unresolved trauma.
And to you, I was nothing but a frilly girl full of drama.

I'm sorry, dad, that I didn't stay in the religion.
You know, the one that abuses women, demanding they kneel in submission.
I'm sorry that I walk with a gang of demons.
Although, I find it strange that you were always able to see them.
I'm sorry, dad, that my bouncy curls turned into blonde highlights.
And my Barbie pink nails are now black, with knuckles ready for fights.

I'm sorry, dad, that I embarrass you by taking on the strength of men.
That's not so girly of me.
And for you, it's a mortal sin.
I'm sorry, dad, for always being too much.
Always too much, but never enough.
I'm sorry, dad, I really am.
I tried so hard up until the end.

I'm sorry that we cannot coexist.
But this isn't something you can fix with your fist.

I'm sorry, Dad.
I guess this is goodbye.
It won't be hard for you.
You've never struggled leaving my side.
I just wish our story had turned out different,
so I wouldn't spend my days dreaming of what it isn't.

But you're free to go on your path now, with your God.
Maybe we'll see each other in Armageddon, and simply not.
Perhaps in another lifetime,
I'll get hugs and kisses sitting on your lap.

But for now,
I'll remain the biggest disgrace you ever had.