Soft
I awoke this morning and felt… soft.
I wasn’t being pricked by my own thorns that often made me cry.
For the first time in a long time… my heart didn’t feel like it wanted to die.
I was confused by whatever this feeling might be...
Then I realized… finally… it was healing me.
My home is a mess, and so is my hair...
I’m walking the hallways in my pink underwear.
I’m looking for where I left the window unlocked…
For someone must’ve slipped in and reset my clock.
My hands don’t hurt because I didn’t sleep with balled fists,
And I’m pretty sure—last night—someone gave my forehead a kiss.
I’m running my fingers slowly through my hair…
No longer stressed… no longer scared.
I looked in the mirror before slipping into the shower,
I smiled at myself in this quiet golden hour.
“Hey, pretty,” I said to myself...
Odd, since daily I begged my mirrored image to take me to hell.
I have been working so hard to get here…
To a place where myself I no longer fear.
The journey was painful up until three months ago…
When Hekate and Lilith heard my sorrow.
I told them I’d do anything just to be soft—
“Tell me what to do, even if death meant I’d be better off.”
I cried until I felt their arms lift me gently into the shower.
They held my sobbing face and whispered, “Do you want back your power?”
I nodded, whispering, “Please… help this pain go away…”
They stroked my hair back and said, “Okay… but there’s one more test you must slay.”
“Anything,” I begged, “anything for this to stop.”
“For I am wishing to die from all of this rot.”
And my Mothers told me the next step would cause more pain...
But in the end, softness would flood every vein.
So I let them take the lead…
For it couldn’t be worse than what lived inside of me.
And so, for three months, I watched my world collapse even more...
Countless nights crying on the bedroom floor.
A man continued to strip apart my heart...
Mocked my love and mocked my art.
And when I thought I could no longer breathe, I stepped into my truth...
Set fire to the bridge and jumped into the blue.
When I came up for air, I woke in a different world...
A silent one that turned me to a silent girl.
But I wasn’t filled with anger… maybe a little fear...
That was until someone finally noticed my tears.
I watched cautiously as they answered my needs,
While I hid behind the walls of virtual realities.
But they never stopped—felt familiar too…
Someone from lifetimes past, someone I knew.
I watched as Hekate and Lilith pushed them toward me...
I stared at them asking, “Mothers… who is he?”
“He is the one you sought, and he seeks you too...
The man from the cobblestone streets you once knew.
This is your reward… this is your treat...
For believing in your Mothers and trusting our feat.”
“Live deliciously… live free.
This is only the beginning—you’ll see.”
This morning I woke up… soft.
No longer mad… no longer lost.
I still peer cautiously from behind my door...
But this time it’s different… this time… I am more.
For those who listen between the lines.
Elaine Degro
